


Only Sometimes

by lawgrain



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Arguing, Break Up, Depression, Implied Death, M/M, Suicide, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-18 08:04:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15481329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawgrain/pseuds/lawgrain
Summary: “So, what? You're moving out?”“Yeah. I am. Please understand.”He doesn't understand.Dan and Phil get in an argument. Dan doesn't know how to deal with it. At all.*update: I made it a two shot instead of a one shot*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings. Read the tags. I hope you enjoy and please leave comments and kudos.

Sometimes, he feels like the only reason he doesn't kill himself is because it'd make others sad. 

“I can't do this anymore.”

“I don't understand. Can't do this?”

“Dan, neither of us are happy anymore. I still love you, but I can't live here.”

“So, what? You're moving out?”

“Yeah. I am. Please understand.”

He doesn't understand. 

“Did I do something?”

He can't go.

“No...”

“Then stay.”

_Please stay._

“This is unhealthy. We don't communicate and we barely get along.”

“We’ll fix it then. I promise, just let me try. Please.”

He’ll do anything. 

“Stop! Just stop. We've already tried and frankly I don't want to try anymore. It's just too much.”

Oh. 

“So you'll be packing your stuff then?”

“I already started. I just need a few days.”

Phil was serious. 

Heated droplets stained his face. 

“You sure?”

He needs him to change mind. 

“I'm sure.”

Phil reaches out to Dan's cheek. 

“Please. I know this hurts but I need this. This isn't because of you. So please be okay with this.”

It’s not okay. 

“I understand.”

_He's_ not okay. 

Phil was right; it didn't take long for him to move out. To disappear like he was never there. When he asked Dan to be sparse for a few days while he moved out, Dan did. And then Phil was simply gone. 

Dan hates it. He hates waking up to nothing and going asleep and wishing he could feel something. Deep down he knew he was devastated but right now all he feels is cold. Like something grabbed at his core and stole what it was to feel human. He should've told Phil before. Should've told him that he wasn't trying to be cruel and snap at him. He should've told Phil about his depression. 

Now it was too late. 

Dan felt like a ghost. He functioned around the house with glazed over eyes and mind dulled. He couldn't do this without Phil. 

He calls Phil. In a moment of insanity he decides it's a good idea to call Phil. 

He never picked up. 

Days went by. Dan isn't sure how many. But he still tries every now and again to call Phil. 

One day he picked up. 

“Dan.”

“Hi, Phil.”

“You need to stop calling.”

“Please come back.”

“Jesus—we weren't even happy Dan! Do you understand that? We were miserable together.”

Then he gets it. 

“I'm making you sad, aren't I?”

Phil sighs. “Yes, you are.”

“I'll stop calling.”

“Thank you.”

“Hey Phil, one last thing.”

“Yeah?”

“When were we last happy together?”

There's a pause. 

“I don't know.”

_Oh._

“I'm sorry. Bye, Phil.”

_I love you._

“Bye.”

_But he doesn't love me._

Dan didn't know when this became an ultimatum to him. An unconscious decision that he couldn't handle life without Phil. 

It had though. 

He went to the kitchen. He unscrewed the caps to all of the medicine bottles. Everything would be fine. He starts taking all of the pills. He'd never make Phil sad again. 

Sometimes, he feels like the only reason he wanted to live was make Phil happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Phil doesn't care. 

He used to. He used to think he'd fight the world for Dan. He used to think of Dan as his world. But not lately. 

Lately, he and Dan were fighting. Or rather Phil wishes they were fighting. Instead Dan didn't seem to care. About anything. 

Phil couldn't take it. 

He couldn't come home every single day to a man who didn't seem to love him anymore. He couldn't come home to a man that only spoke to him to lash out. 

It hurt too much. 

So he left. 

And now he is all alone. He thought he'd be happier but it kills him inside. He still loves Dan, but Dan doesn't love him. 

That’s a lie. 

Phil knows it. He knows exactly how broken Dan looked when he told him that he was moving out. He also knows that he can't take living with Dan anymore. 

Phil was doing this for himself and that had to be okay. The world would just have to get over him doing something selfish for once in his life because this _wasn't_ selfish. Not to him at least. No, this was a necessity. He needed this. 

That's when the torment started. 

Phil isn't sure if it was some divine punishment or a sadistic prank but his phone wouldn't stop ringing. It wasn't consistent nor was it constant. It was, however, persistent. 

At random intervals he'd get a call. The first few days, he thought nothing of it. It was probably friends checking up on him. Then he actually checked his phone. 

It was Dan. 

It was all Dan. 

And Dan didn't stop after that. Every time the phone rang Phil would have to remind himself of why he left. Phil would have to remind himself of why he couldn't pick up the phone to the man he loved. 

But it wouldn't stop. 

So he picks up. In a moment of insanity he picks up. 

Dan is broken. 

Phil knows it in his heart that right now Dan is broken. And Phil just hung up on him with a simple “bye” after practically yelling at the man about how he had made Phil miserable. 

Who does that?

Phil doesn't know what to do. 

Does he call back? That'd do nothing other than prolong their torture. 

But something seemed wrong…

There was a certain hollow resolve in Dan's voice that bothered Phil. He couldn't quite grasp what it was, but something was eating at him. Phil couldn't just wait around in guilt. He decides he should stop by to check up on Dan one last time and be done with it. 

He just wants to be done with this. 

He arrives at the flat and knocks. 

No answer. 

He tries again. 

No answer. 

He twist the knob. 

It's open…

It really shouldn't be open. Phil walks in and–

“Oh god, Dan! Please be okay!”

Phil lied. He really does care. 

He cares a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so it's a two-shot now. I don't have any intentions for more chapters but I'm open to more if anyone is interested. Either way I hope you guys enjoyed this. Let me know in the comments.


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